paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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