sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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