I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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