How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
