I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
