I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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