you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
