Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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