we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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