Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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