Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
