So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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