I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
