remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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