oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
