I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
