Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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