my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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