If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
