I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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