So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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