i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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