phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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