Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
