i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
