every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
