I hate your face
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
