Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
