Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
