If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
