FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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