ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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