Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
