Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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