Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
