Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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