Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Four minutes until I can fart!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
