im about as happy as oj after his trial
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
