Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You took a bar mat shot.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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