I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
