Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
