yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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