oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
