I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
