I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.