I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.