you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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