Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
