what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle