The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.