Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy