The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
