some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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