hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
