We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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