had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
