Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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