Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
