Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
