just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
