It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize