I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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