So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
