Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
