North Korea, Best Korea!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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