I wannas sexs uuuuu
Farmville is her only friend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
