matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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