Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
