she was so not down for the gang bang
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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