No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
