I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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