I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
