i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
