I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
