I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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