And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
