"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize