Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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