From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
